Sometimes I wish, I could be the drop of rain,
That trickles down your face
Feeling the warmth and feeling the pain;
Simmering in the light of yours
I could be like a beautiful pearl on shore.
Sometimes I wish..
Sometimes I wish, I could be the wind,
That plays with your locks;
And remain there always confined
In the midst of flowing cascade,
I could whisper in your ears, my desire
Sometimes I wish..
Sometimes I wish, I could be your heart,
That pounds at every sight of me
And the thousand secrets it so closely guards.
Beating at every moment of yours
I could be your life always yours.
Sometimes I wish..
And yet sometimes I wish, I could be me,
That I once used to be;
Without you residing in my heart
And without your thoughts
Dwelling in every part of my soul.
Someimes I wish..
Friday, July 3, 2009
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26 comments:
Definitely .. ur most roamntic and also the most complex..
Loved the lines
"Beating at every moment of yours
I could be your life always yours."
Sometimes I wish .. I cud be you ..
Gautam.. so tht I can write sth like this..
the last stanza was too good..
@ Mohit
Thanks..
I dont knw if its my most romantic bcoz..I never try writing sth romantic ;I prefer writing abt beauty ..its jus tht it ends up being romantic....
And ya I agree tht this one is my most complex poem.. both in its theme and also the structure.. where I wish to be drop of rain and wind.. or even heart.. so yup its complex..
but u see one grows as a poet..it comes from within.. so ur poetry becomes.. I would use the word LAYERED instead of complex..
Hmm, there is something very very interesting in this piece. You see, I would have called it romantic had it ended on the other side.
Since, you have ended it in a way where the lead also speculates his/her existence without and not with the other counterpart, I find this very interesting and different too. It is not complex, but it bears a twist in the end which makes it worth another read.
Well done! Keep writing!!!
I stopped following you as I thought you'd stopped writing. Thanks for your comment on my spot. And, thanks for alerting me that you are back.
@ Brosreview
Interesting review of my poem..
that's why I love ur comments.. because u bring on certain perspective..which I would have not thought otherwise..
And ya .. u r right.. as I have always maintained .. I never try to be romantic thru my poems..
and as far as complexity is concerned .. again u r right.. may be better call it LAYERED..
By complex .. actually I meant... layered itself.. and as brosreview pointed out .. the twist adds to the zing.. and worth another read.
well well when you wake up you really do :)
so very well done and yet so complex that it makes me sneeze..
yes i mean it!
simply neat!
@ Rahul
I forgot to thank u intially.. u have been a constant admirer of my poems.. be so nice laways :)
@AD
Ahh.. I wonder hw can a poem make u sneeze.. nyways I dont mind it as long as u continue appreciating my poetry
you have a lovely optimistic touch with the tinge of frustration and negative emotion, which though is the skeletal frame, the optmistic glow of the skin of the body, doesnt make the poem pessimistic. i dont know if i made sense, but what i meant was, though it started as a romantic bright poem, the underlying darkness evolves, but yet the darkness doesnt consume the glow. again, i dont think i made much sense.
so...just nice.
@trion
Thanks.. n yup I did understand wat u meant.. though u were philosophical.. but I liked ur comments..
romantic writing , notwithstanding the last part, i would still like to classify it into romanticism.
the sudden movement from the absolute wistfulness to the practical wishing away of the heart ache that accompanies first love...the theme has been very nicely captured in ur poem.
~cheers~
@Poetess
true.. smtimes the reality is not bed of roses .. n thts wat I wanted to bring in my last stanza.. at times the pain takes over all ur feelins..
Amazing loved the lines
"And yet sometimes I wish, I could be me,
That I once used to be;
Without you residing in my heart
"
In relationship we all tend to change ourselves so as to please the other, but yet there is some part deep inside which we should not change, as our identity dwells from that...
Your poems touch me. Trust me. Sometimes they prick me...makes me think.
You're too good. Publish a book. I love your poems!! A lot. I mean it!
@ Arnav
In the last stanza.. i cud hv easily gone with flow.. but i added that twist to bring out the evasive reality.. tht actually exists deep within..
@ Cursed
U r real darling.. sometimes I wish I cud publish the book.. but..
U see thr are always sm ifs and buts..nyways still I feel I hv a long way bfore I could count myself a real poet..
Hey Gautam, your poem is awesome...and thanks for stopping by my blog...
@Sophia
Thks.. n continue visiting
very very well written .. so beautiful and painfull .. there is this soft romance in the pain .. very nice gautam .. very very very nice .. it says so much abt the beauty of this world .. of humans and feelings. . very beautifully written
- Nameless fameless ..
7 times thx for ur 7 "very" ...
ur verys indicate that u really liked the poem
Simply b'ful!
And yet sometimes I wish, I could be me,
That I once used to be;
Nice
@ VJ Sophie
thx..
This is kind of a series with you last one .. retrospective poems :)
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